October is spooky season, but there’s something that can be even scarier than ghosts and goblins - child tantrums and meltdowns! As a parent, you’ve likely experienced a classic tantrum or meltdown, whether it was in the middle of a grocery store or right before bedtime. Luckily, there are strategies that can help you manage tantrums in calm, effective ways. 

Why Children Have Tantrums

• Tantrums are a normal part of development. They occur most between the ages of one and three.

• Tantrums and meltdowns can be generated by lots of feelings, such as fear, frustration, anger, sensory overload or just being tired. A child doesn’t yet have the skills to talk about how they feel, and so they can be overwhelmed by emotions. 

• Sometimes, children will learn that tantrums and meltdowns can lead to getting what they want, and they become behaviors that they rely on. The goal is to help your child learn other, more gentle ways to handle stressful situations, such as taking some deep breaths or seeking support from adults. Modeling calm and praising cooperation gets you more of what you want over time. 

How to Handle Tantrums and Meltdowns

• During a tantrum, model your own calming behaviors. Remember it’s happening “in front of you” not “to you”.  Taking the time to talk and give words to their feelings will help children use their words over time.

• If your child is hitting or biting, remove them from the situation immediately, and make it clear that the behavior is not safe or acceptable. Behaviors such as hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing should not be ignored and should be addressed.

• Set your child up for success - if you know tantrums usually occur when they are hungry or tired, have a healthy snack on you when you are out of the house, and try to prioritize nap and sleep times.

• Remember to give yourself a break when you need it, even if that means asking a partner, friend, or family member to tap in. You’re doing a great job, and need to take care of yourself, too! 

Tips for Preventing Tantrums & Calming Children Back Down

• Help your child learn to label their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. By naming and accepting their emotions, they will be better able to learn how to manage them.

• Consistent routines make a difference. Having a dependable structure can help kids feel in control. If change is unavoidable and you know that your child has trouble with transitions, provide a warning and a time limit before the transition happens - for example, let them know in five minutes, they will have to stop playing with their toys and sit down to eat dinner.

• Plan for something that you predict may be an emotionally challenging situation for your child. During a time when both of you are calm, talk about what’s coming up, such as a trip to a place where they are expected to behave, or a doctor visit. Talking about these stressful situations in advance can help you both avoid a meltdown. 

For a young child, some days are tough, and they can go through lots of big feeling very quickly. By setting aside a few minutes each day to spend one-on-one time with your child can help them manage stress during other points of the day. This special time should be full of positive connections and letting your child know that you love them no matter what. 

Tantrums and meltdowns are a normal part of growing up. Stay calm, offer your support, and set boundaries. With time and patience, both you and your child will get better at handling challenging situations. Remember, if your child is currently going through tantrums and meltdowns - it won’t last forever. Tantrums tend to reduce with age, even if they don’t go away entirely. If you’re still concerned about their behavior, talk to their pediatrician. Further resources can be obtained by talking to one of our Child Care Resource and Referral specialists at 561-514-3300 or https://www.elcpalmbeach.org/child-care-resource-referral.