When I was a child, I was very shy and had a hard time making friends. In fact, when I was in the third grade, my parents called my teacher and asked her to sit me next to a student with similar interests to mine, in the hopes of helping me make a friend. Luckily, with the help of my family, making friends came more naturally to me as I got older. Making friends in school is just as developmentally important as getting good grades; learning how to form successful peer relationships is a skill that a child will learn and refine their whole life. And while parents can’t make friends for their child (as much as we may want to), there are some ways we can help our children develop and practice social skills. 

Tips for Little Ones on the Shy Side

Don’t worry if your child is not a social butterfly - some children just need more time to warm up than others, and some just prefer playing on their own to being in a big group. However, it is also important to give shyer kids opportunities to meet new kids and help them learn how to get more comfortable in social situations. 

• If your child is willing, sign them up for clubs and activities. These are great ways to meet and make new friends, since they usually provide built-in structure and include kids that have a common interest with your child.

• Let your child know what to expect before attending a birthday party or other large gathering. Explain that it may be loud and let them know it’s okay to take a break in a quieter space if they need it. If possible, arrive early to show them the environment before the excitement, and let them know who will be there and what may happen, such as cutting a cake and opening presents.

• Take baby steps, and praise your child for every social success. even if all they did was sit on the outskirts and watch others playing. Tell them how proud you were that they went over to grab a slice of pizza or gave the birthday girl their present. 

Building Social Skills

• Be present and available when your child is playing with others. This can allow you to see how your child interacts with other children. If your child is very shy, you can help them warm up initial interactions by pointing out a favorite character that is on another child’s clothing, or by noticing similarities (“Look, she likes sliding down the slide, too!”).

• Practice social interactions at home. Explain to your child how to take turns and share during family playtime, and do some role play or “social scripts” that your child can use when interacting with other kids on their own. (For example, you can have them practice saying, “Hi, I’m Landon, what do you like to play?”).

• Host playdates in your own home, or in an environment where your child will feel more comfortable. Stay nearby to supervise, but let your child flex their social muscles on their own. Afterwards, you can both review how it went and what behaviors you want to focus on in future playdates. 

It’s OK to be Quiet!

Remember, every child is different, and it’s okay if your child is not the type to dive right in to parties and large gatherings. It’s also important for parents not to place their own social expectations on children; your child doesn’t need to be the most popular kid in the class- if one or two good friends is all your child needs to be happy, that is perfectly okay. 

With parenting, it’s hard to know when to push your child, and when to gently back off. Try to reach a middle ground by starting with very short play dates, or going to a party with your child, but leaving early. It can be hard when you see other kids seemingly jump into every social interaction with ease, but remember that you and your child are both doing great and will learn how to overcome social challenges as they arise. 

If you have questions, you can always reach out to one of our Child Care Resource and Referral specialists for support. Call 561-514-3300 or visit https://www.elcpalmbeach.org/child-care-resource-referral.